Stories and Fairytales – Tools for Transformation

This week we received the gift of a dying baby rabbit into one of our Kindergarten groups.  I say a gift, because that is what we and the children received in the experiences that unfolded throughout the morning.  The initial reaction of the children was to want to hold and nurse it, but their teacher quickly realized that it was a serious injury and the rabbit was not going to live.  So a nest was made and some of the children went into the garden to find leaves and grass while the rest gathered around and gently sang to it.

Later whilst the children played, unusually quietly and conscious of their sick visitor, their teacher sat beside and softly played the lyre.  When the baby finally passed away we took it into the garden, dug a grave, gathered leaves to line and decorate it and lay the rabbit gently to rest.  A song was sung and loving gifts were offered.  At story time the teacher of the group created a story about a caterpillar who was sadly missed by it’s friends when it was gone, but rejoiced when they saw the transformation and release that came when it re-emerged as a butterfly.

Earlier in this school year a child was leaving one of our kindergarten groups to join another.   This is an unusual occurrence in our school that undoubtedly brings up concerns for all involved.  Handled badly it could have left the children feeling insecure or uncertain of their place in the group.  Fortunately the kindergarten teacher was sensitive to this and in the days prior to the child leaving, she wrote a story that supported the occasion, providing support for the child who was going and offering reassurance to those who remained.

For the well being of the child concerned this was a passage that needed to be recognised, however if overstated it could cause uncertainty and draw attention to the unusual nature of the move.  The teacher created a simple ceremony that was performed with great sensitivity in an understated way that supported the well being of the child that was moving and yet didn’t draw too much attention to the occasion for the rest of the group.

In both of the above instances the teacher of the kindergarten group was able to bring her sensitivity to each occasion and draw on her training to create ceremonies and stories that supported the children through these events.  Her life experiences and training as a Waldorf Kindergarten Teacher has taught her the value of bringing story and ceremony into use to support the well being of the children in her care.

Along with the splendour of today’s Royal Wedding which brought a nation together in celebration, these are wonderful examples of how stories and ceremony support rites of passage and provide support in times of uncertainty.  They remind me of the value of age old myths and fairy tales and the place of ceremony in shaping and supporting community and family life throughout the centuries.

The above kindergarten examples are just two of many that I have come across through my work and study.  Our school is dedicated to keeping children’s imaginations alive and active so that they have this resource still available to them as adults, and stories play a valuable part in this.  My personal experiences have widened my understanding of the importance of myths, stories and fairy tales for children of all ages.

Imagination and healthy curiosity are two key ingredients to learning that are often undervalued.  Teaching is not about cramming children’s minds with facts and figures, it is about inviting them to discover for themselves, actively engaging their curiosity in the world around them and allowing them the opportunities to take what they discover into the inner world of imagination and creativity.  Only in this is there the possibility for new learning, new understanding and new innovation.

“To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.” 
Albert Einstein

Not only is imagination the key to intellectual development, it is a vital aspect of our social and emotional well being.  It is here that story really comes into its own.  When we stop to consider it, we discover that our whole lives are made up of stories.  From our personal biographies, to the tales we share in conversation with each other and the stories (positive and negative) that we play out in our minds.  Stories even fill our dream world.  The wisdom of spiritual leaders, the spin of politicians, all the world consists of story.

How then do we ensure we are feeding ourselves and our children with the stories that support us rather than those that hold us back?  As adults we have the power to make conscious choices about what we believe to be true and what we strive to create.  We will find stories that support our beliefs, and create fantasies around reality to reinforce our view of the world.  With enough self awareness we can transcend the stories that hold us back and develop those that provide the building blocks to support our personal aspirations and deeper connections with each other and our environment.

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge – myth is more potent than history – dreams are more powerful than facts – hope always triumphs over experience – laughter is the cure for grief – love is stronger than death.” 
Robert Fulghum

Robert Fulghum offers some wonderful books full of stories taken from life experiences that have delighted and inspired me for many years.  Stories have the capacity to reach into the heart and touch us deeply.  Nourishing our children with stories appropriate to their stage of development is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

Most parents will recognise the social and emotional value of sharing a story book with their children.  Books are fantastic for calming a hyperactive child or soothing an upset.  The intimacy of sitting close together and the rhythm and tone of voice of the story teller are wonderful ingredients.  But that is not all that counts.  The content of a good story offered to children at an age that is appropriate to their understanding is undoubtedly more valuable than preaching morals, reprimanding inappropriate behaviour or even offering intellectual answers to simple questions.

A child of three who asks why the moon follows him in the sky, doesn’t need to know the laws of physics that create this illusion, they need the reassurance that the moon is a friendly presence who will be there taking care of them through the night (read ‘I Took The Moon For A Walk’ by Barefoot Books).

Equally important an older child, who is starting to feel uncertain about the world and realize that it isn’t always as predictable as they thought, needs stories that support their first independent steps and reassures them of their place in the world.  At this stage Aesop’s Fables and the stories of Hans Christian Anderson can offer solutions that support their social and emotional development.

Stories are a wonderful medium for resolving conflict and helping children find solutions to difficult situations.  There is a wonderful book by Susan Perrow entitled ‘Healing Stories for Challenging Behaviour’ which is a favourite with the teachers in our school.  It offers some wonderful stories that can be read to a group without drawing attention to the challenging behaviour in question, allowing the children to meet the challenge in a non confrontational way and find the solutions from within themselves.

In addition to stories in books, we also support our children by recounting stories from our own lives and those of our parents and grandparents.  I wonder how many stories you remember that loved ones shared with you when you were a child.  Through these stories we pass down our own heritage, share our values and shape the imaginations of our children.

Add to this our daily family rhythms, traditions and festivals, and without even being fully aware of it we can be weaving a wonderful web of security and well being around the children in our lives.  As parents and carers this offers the challenge to remain conscious of the impact of the stories and traditions we share with our children and how this supports their social, emotional and intellectual development.  It seems sad to me that in our society we have lost the deeper meaning of our festivals, celebrations and traditional rites of passage.  We have just celebrated Easter and are about to embrace May Day.  I wonder how many of us have considered the mythological and historical significance of these festivals and how we could find elements in the finer qualities of these celebrations that have significance in our lives today.

A few years ago I had the good fortune to attend the 50^th Birthday celebrations of a friend who very consciously created a rite of passage for herself.  It was an honour to be a part of it and it holds a deep significance for me as I approach my own 50^th year.  As a parent, I am keenly aware of the inner transitions that my son undergoes as he approaches each birthday.  Maybe it is because I am a mature parent that I notice this, but it seems to me that childhood is filled with milestones that are often overlooked and undervalued in a world that is so focused on adult achievement.  Our children need the time to face each challenge life brings at their own pace.  They need the opportunity to fully integrate life’s lessons and find the stories and traditional values that support them through their adult lives.

The Cautious Parent

A Reflection on Risk
in the 21st Century

Last year I attended a conference run by CALA (Care & Learning Alliance) and had the good fortune to hear Sue Palmer speak.  Sue is the author of ‘Toxic Childhood’ and ‘21^st Century Boys’ amongst other titles and is a fantastic speaker.  At one point in the talk she asked us all to remember our own childhood play and share our memories with the person next to us.  From there she asked everyone who recalled playing outdoors loosely or unsupervised to raise their hands.  I was staggered to see that most of the hands in the room went up.  Almost everyone recalled and valued the free playtime they had outdoors.

What was even more staggering is that we were mostly in the over 30’s bracket.  Sue explained that the picture is very different in groups of under 30’s.  So what has happened to change this?

Recalling my own childhood, we were free to play on the street and wander off into the woods and meadows completely unsupervised by any adults.  Here we explored, climbed trees, jumped streams, played by the river, fell into nettle patches and discovered relief from doc leaves.  There were no real boundaries and we learned to make judgements and trust each other.  Our parents also trusted us and trusted the world into which they released us.

Thirty years on and the picture is very different.  There are more cars on the road, less green spaces for children to play in and many parents live in fear of something terrible happening to their child.  It is difficult to make radical changes regarding the cars and green spaces if you live in a city, but what of our personal attitudes to the freedom of our children, are our fears really grounded in reality?

If we engage with the media through the news, TV programmes and newspapers we see a picture that tells us the world is a dangerous place.  In the case of little Madeleine McCann going missing, the messages even came into us via our own personal emails, repeatedly reinforcing these fears.  Of course these cases are tragic and I have immense sympathy for those involved doing all they can to find their children, but what happens to us when we read about these cases.  Interestingly I notice that even in writing this I am sensing a churning in my stomach and my personal fears come to the surface, yet I have no personal experience of anything like this happening in my own community.

The media has become very adept at raising our emotional responses, and unfortunately they are more inclined to give us the bad news and we rarely get the counterbalance of good news.  How often do we hear about the cases of children who went missing and found their way home just a few hours later or were brought safely home by a neighbour or friend?  It just doesn’t provide a good enough story for the media to engage in.

When we become aware of the imbalance in the information we receive from the media we can begin to address our responses to it and bring some balance back into our attitudes towards our children’s safety in the world.  But in today’s risk adverse society there is an even more insidious undercurrent that we are often overlooking and that is of the safety of our children to simply play and take risks.  Our children’s play areas have become so safe that there is no longer an edge for them to push against and they are not having the opportunity to test their boundaries and gain a sense of their own limitations.

When I grew up risk was an everyday aspect of childhood.  Although I was a timid child I still stretched my boundaries and my more confident brother certainly pushed them to the limits.  However, we were aware of our limits, we also knew who we could trust and had a natural instinct for our own safety.  My son’s school has the luxury of being set in woodland so their play area is full of trees, roots, jutting branches and uneven ground.  The school actively encourages the children to climb trees and engage in the natural world around them.  Because this is such an issue in today’s society, our parents need to sign a policy stating that they are OK with their children climbing trees, and even then there is still a legal issue for the school.

This issue of children’s safety in play was another topic of the CALA conference.  Myself and a group of about 20 other play workers attended an afternoon workshop entitled ‘Risk In Play’.  Interestingly the topic wasn’t how we could make children’s play safer, but how we could allow them more freedom to explore and test their boundaries.  We were encouraged to look at our own attitudes towards allowing the children in our care to play more freely, climbing trees, jumping and swinging.  We were encouraged to make on the spot assessments and look at where the benefits outweigh the potential risks.  Does it really matter if a child grazes their knee on a branch or receives a few minor injuries if they are exploring through their senses, gaining confidence in their own abilities, and learning to assess situations for themselves?

Risk is a natural part of being human and if it ceases to be present in children’s lives they will lack the opportunities to develop their ability to make personal decisions, stretch their boundaries, grow in confidence and take responsibility for themselves as adults.  Without risk life would become boring and static and we would loose the capacity to learn and grow from our mistakes.  Taking risks is a primary means to understanding our bodies and developing our sense of balance both physically and mentally.

Children are naturally curious and it is the role of adults to fuel this curiosity by giving them plenty of opportunity to explore through, and trust in their senses.  When adults are fearful around children they pick it up very quickly and it will inhibit their confidence in themselves.  I have always been naturally cautious and when my son was younger I was over-protective of him.  I can see with hindsight how this affected his confidence and I learned to stop, take a breath and step back from a situation enough to judge the reality of the risk and give him the space to make his own judgements.  Of course this doesn’t mean stepping away completely, children do need good support from adults and they thrive on active positive involvement.  Children take great pleasure in sharing their achievements with adults, and adults can provide re-assurance to help their confidence grow.

Fortunately I learned quite early on that in order to give my son the best support in growing in confidence I needed to give him the space to enjoy plenty of free play both indoors and outside.  I have also seriously moderated how the media impacts on me by making a conscious choice not to get caught up in the bad ‘News’ dramas that are played out to get my attention.

I believe that to give 21st Century children the best start in life we need to re-evaluate our personal relationship with risk, reduce the impact we allow the media to have on us, look back to the freedom of our own childhoods for perspective and think to the future by recognizing the value in allowing our children to explore through nature and their senses their place in the world.

I leave you with this wonderful quote from John Schaar that Sue Palmer shared with us at the conference.

“The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating.
The paths are not to be found but made, and the activity of making them
changes both the maker and the destination.”

____________________________

In my blog ‘Tools for Outdoor Play’ I offer some ideas to support healthy outdoor activities.  Also if this blog posting has resonated with you, you may enjoy For Our Own Good a reflection on childhood in the 1950’s to 1980’s.

Nature’s Abundant Playground

I am an indoors person.  I love being at home and, except for our summer season on the road with Nok On Wood, my work is mostly indoors too.  This gives me a greater challenge in ensuring that my son gets enough opportunity to play freely outdoors.

Fortunately his school grounds are extensive and are mostly woodland, and as my work at the school often goes beyond the end of his school day this wonderful playground provides him with lots of opportunities to explore, create dens, climb trees and generally connect with nature.  However, even without this, there are ways of helping children enjoy time outdoors and there is no doubt that it is beneficial to them in many ways.

Children’s playgrounds can be fun for a while but they have become so sanitized that they do not give children much opportunity to engage with nature in a playful way.  In order to grow up in a healthy balanced way children need more opportunities to play in wild places, discover their personal boundaries and take a few risks.  (I have written more on this topic in The Cautious Parent post).  Even the smallest woodland or a recreational park can provide opportunities to explore and discover.

Outdoor play doesn’t have to cost anything either, it doesn’t require expensive toys or tools and offers a wealth of life experiences that the whole family can enjoy.  The wonderful seasonal changes add to the variety of ways we can engage with nature and even when it is raining and cold it is beneficial to get outside and have some fun.  Here are some seasonal activities to help you make the most of whatever park or woodland you have in your area, and further down some ideas for turning your garden into a place your children can enjoy all year round.

Gaining an Appreciation of Nature

Just getting out and allowing your children to run, play and roam in nature will provide them with a lot more than initially meets the eye.  Children have a natural curiosity about the world around them and they will soon be discovering things that as adults we are quick to overlook or take for granted.  Give them plenty of time to climb trees, rummage in the undergrowth and balance along fallen logs.  They will lead the way into a wonderland you could never have envisioned.  Our weekly school walk days include visits to the Post Box (sawn off tree trunk with a hollow in the top), the Rocket (a log that is lying at a 45° angle) and the Beach (a sandy patch alongside the river) to name but a few.

For older children there are ways of appreciating nature in a more structured way that can involve you learning and exploring alongside them.  Gather a note pad and pencil, and a box for collecting nature’s treasures.  Even if you consider yourself completely without any artistic talent, just by taking the time to really study a small twig, flower or leaf you will find you can create a pretty good likeness on paper.  If like me your knowledge for identifying trees and plants is limited you can enjoy discovering more about them with your children.

Take your drawings and collections home with you where you can look them up and discover their names and more about their origins.  My suggestion is if you are using a book, leave it at home so that you really take the time to notice the characteristics of each plant you are studying and just enjoy being in nature while you are out there.  Make the research a separate activity that can be undertaken at home.  Leaves and flowers can be preserved by pressing and your children can then create a collage for the home or make personalized cards and gifts for friends and family.

Return to the same places at different times of the year to see how everything has changed. Within a short time of doing this you will begin to have a real understanding for how different leaves sprout, flowers form and how plants grow, then wither and die at the end of their season.  This will help your children gain an understanding for birth, growth, death and rebirth in a very experiential way which will provide them with a greater sense of personal well being as they go through the changes that growing up entails.

Create a corner of your home that is designated as a nature table.  Here you can add seasonal decorations from nature and if you are feeling creative you could make a few felt animals and gnomes to add to the display.  When it comes time to change the nature table take your collections back to the place you collected them and use the opportunity to thank nature for her abundance.  This helps your children to gain a sense of appreciation and reverence for their environment.

Enjoying the Seasons

Bright spring sunshine and long hazy summer days are likely to bring most people outdoors.  They lend themselves to walks in the country, holidays by the beach, and just sharing the sunshine with friends in each others gardens.  This provides children with plenty of opportunity to be active outdoors whether it is engaging in the activities of adults through gardening or simply playing amongst themselves.  But this isn’t the only time of year to enjoy being out and about and engaging with the seasons in different weather conditions gives children a greater understanding of, and affinity with the world around them.

Wet days provide lots of scope for playing with water.  Simple pleasures such as catching raindrops in your mouth, running and splashing in puddles and playing Pooh Sticks over a stream or river can add delight to any rainy day.  Take this opportunity to make little boats from sticks and shells and sail them in puddles and streams.  Create channels for rain water to run down and see how quickly you can create pools and build dams.  Walking through woodland on a rainy day can be a magical experience as the trees are transformed with glittering raindrops and the sound of dripping leaves fills the air.  If you are wrapped up well there is no reason to avoid being outdoors on a rainy day.

Windy weather offers the chance to fly kites and make wind socks.  In the autumn the whirlwind of tumbling leaves provide a great excuse to run and spin and generally let off steam.  Children are often affected by windy whether and you are likely to find them more restless and in need to get up and move about when it is windy outside.  Wrapping up warmly and getting outdoors means they can vigorously release some of that energy and engaging them in an activity when they return home will help to settle them again.

Outdoor activities don’t have to be restricted to daylight hours either.  Night-time is portrayed as being quite scary for children and this is particularly re-enforced with Halloween and stories of ghosts and ghouls.  But when the autumn nights draw in quite early they provide the perfect opportunity to help children feel at peace with the dark.  At school we celebrate Martinmas with a lantern walk through the woods.  Little lights are placed in recesses along the path, the children carry lanterns that they have made themselves and we all sing lantern songs together.  It is a delightful and magical experience and rather than being scary the children really engage with this magic.

Snow of course adds obvious delights that transform our landscape adding a hush to the busy-ness of life.   There is no reason why deep snow should only be considered an inconvenience.  If you are snowed up and can’t get out you have the perfect opportunity of enjoying the delights of the season with your children.  As well as building snowmen and sledging, you could take on the greater challenge of building an igloo.  Even if it is only big enough for a small rodent and collapses within hours the experience of having a go is great fun.

In The Garden

Even if you have a small garden there is still plenty of scope for your children to engage with nature.  Putting out food for the birds and growing flowers and vegetables are the obvious ones that can even be enjoyed when you have no garden at all.  If you do have the luxury of a garden, make it a place where your children can make the most of nature.  Leaving a small patch of the garden to grow wild will help invite wildlife into your domestic patch and if you are lucky you may even attract a hedgehog.  Rotting logs are particularly attractive to them as a place to hide and shelter and if nothing else they will encourage insects that help to add a healthy balance to your garden.

Bird boxes will encourage nesting birds.  Sunflowers are easy and immediate flowers for children to grow and enjoy throughout the summer and when the flowers have died away the seeds make great bird food.  As well as a box, consider also adding a feeder or bird bath.  These are great ways for watching birds more closely particularly if they are placed where you can watch from a window.  We have really enjoyed watching the birds feed in our garden while we are having breakfast indoors each day.

Choosing plants that attract wildlife will give your children plenty of opportunity to study them.  Lavender is particularly attractive to bees and it is lovely to harvest and bring into the home.  Bunched together with rosemary it makes a fragrant addition to the nature table.  Just a few lavender seeds poured over with hot water makes a deliciously soothing warm drink, popular with the children in our kindergarten.  A lavender bag placed under the hot water tap when filling the bath adds a subtle fragrance to bath time.  We had a lovely old buddleia tree in the garden of our last house which was perfect for attracting butterflies and bees.

A pond makes a wonderful garden feature for children to enjoy.  I have fond memories of discovering tadpoles as a child and the children at school take great pleasure in the frogs that hatch out in the school pond.  Even in a small garden a pond can be created with an old washing up bowl and a few potted water plants.

Children love to help with the gardening and will soon become very helpful and active assistants when it comes to weeding and hoeing.  My son was just 6 when he helped with the levelling, raking and seeding of our back lawn and he now takes pride in caring for it.

The opportunities for children to enjoy being in nature are really quite endless and there are lots of books and online resources that will help get you started.  The key is to get them outside just having fun.